about prayer

What is prayer?

Prayer is both listening and talking to God, not as a distant figure ‘out there’ but as a presence we are already within. Becoming present to the time and place you find yourself, and being honest about your thoughts and feelings are both part of what it means to pray. In prayer, we open ourselves to Life and Love already at work in and around us.

In Christianity, this way of thinking about prayer is found in the contemplative tradition. This is a tradition with ancient roots that emphasises the sacramental nature of reality. According to this understanding, all things are saturated with the divine and everything has the potential to become a pathway into closer relationship with God.

In, and through, prayer we say yes to going deeper into this relationship. As spiritual director Alice Fryling puts it, “prayer is like coming home to a loving God”.

Is there a right way to pray?

No. Because prayer is a personal response to God and a way of going deeper into our lived experience, there are as many ways to pray as there are pray-ers. ‘Shoulds’ or ‘should nots’ in prayer are usually unhelpful.

There are, however, many practices that encourage or open up ways of praying. I offer practices from the Christian tradition but there is some overlap with practices from other religions too.

What’s the point of praying?

Prayer is sometimes misunderstood as a kind of deal making with God - we ask, God responds… or doesn’t. The problem with this understanding is that God is portrayed as separate and distant. It can feel unfair or harsh when God doesn’t seem to respond how we asked.

The contemplative tradition understands prayer as more about becoming open with God - sharing our innermost thoughts and feelings, hopes, desires, and fears with One who loves us. This paves the way for us to simply be with God - no longer performing or striving, but resting in God’s presence with us and our presence in God.

According to the contemplative view of prayer, asking for certain things and outcomes is fine but achieving results isn’t the purpose or measure of prayer. The goal of prayer (if there is one) is to become so intimately familiar with God that we receive all that happens as a part of our unfolding relationship with God. This doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt when we don’t receive what we want but that this hurt can be shared with God and can become itself another opening onto relationship.

Do I need to be sure about God to pray?

No. Prayer isn’t something we do in response to intellectual certainty but the way we go deeper into relationship with God. Sometimes prayer looks like wrestling and asking difficult questions. This can be a catalyst for spiritual growth because it forces us beneath the surface of ourselves and our experiences, encouraging greater honesty and challenging any tendency to prioritise the neat and tidy over all else. Often it is in the depths of uncertainty or wrestling that we begin to experience intimacy with God as already with us on the inside of our experiences.

If you are experiencing a deconstruction or a faith shift, it can be helpful to give yourself permission to play with the way you pray, noticing and following what seems to be life-giving.

I want help with prayer. What can I do?

A spiritual director can help you to explore your experience of praying or trying to pray (which is often the same thing). They won’t tell you what to do but they will help you notice what invites you to pray and what happens during prayer. Click here to find out more about spiritual direction with me.